THRESHOLD
Begin with the first conscious definitive step. End with the step crossing the finishing line. Simple formula. From starting horn to checkered flag, we know where the beginning and end reside. Maybe. I discovered the end may begin before the finish and create a new beginning. Endurance pursuits, regardless of the sport, always contain an air of doubt. Ample opportunities exist for something to go wrong over the course of a multi hour event.
There also occurs a random moment bursting with a flood of certainty that flows through you.
A start is a start, from nothing to something. A first step of action into a journey leads to another step, and another step to the starting line and another step over the line into the beginning. Somewhere in there, a clock ticks forward and you find yourself immersed in the middle. The time at which the middle bit becomes the end varies with your imagination. Nature dictates that a start must undeniably be followed by an end or finish. When, how, or in what form remains in play until the clock stops. (Continuum is too large and abstract for here.) However, at some point, feeling the vibration of realization of the middle transforming to the end generates a new energy.
For me, a glorious mysterious joy during a long swim is the “threshold,” hidden energy within the shadows, designating the middle becoming the end.
The quagmire of constant adjustments: to conditions, physical and mental dodge ball, endless hours of sensory deprivation, the willpower of conjuring up another mantra to maintain the positive thought conduit I’m so dependent upon, all seem to vanish into a sphere of bright clarity, knowing the finish is completely in my control. Certainty, or the pervasive illusion of certainty, grips me and slams the peddle to the mettle. (pun intended)
I’ve asked friends of mine when do they know they have the swim or race “at hand” or finished. Some say at the start. I smile and think that is wishful thinking or hyperbolic self-talk; not the bone deep trial and tribulation, pay the price, then collect the reward, finish. Some say the finish line. I think they are missing something. Others recount stories, pushing through currents, dark, cold, turning up the East river into the wind tasting the finish through the exhaustion. Some, after hours of repeating “I won’t let them (his crew) pull me”, seeing a kelp stalk waving from below and knowing maybe an hour is left before the sea floor greets him with waves licking the beach.
The threshold is earned at its chosen moment. It is crossing over to a certain concept of “finish,” of the collective potential energy stored over months and miles of practice, discomfort trained to feel like a warm fireplace in winter, the encouragement of positive empathetic thoughts of friends, training partners and coaches. Suddenly, without warning, it arrives as a kinetic prayer for invincibility and grace being answered. The fatigue, misery, and doubt vanish.
A finish is out there for everyone to see, in the books, on the post, captured forever on film. The threshold lives unseen within. It is the graduation of confidence, from a feeling into realization. It travels through your fingertips, muscles, bones, mind into your smiling soul. It lives inside forever, untarnished or influenced, singularly yours to cherish, punctuating life. It is a surprise but not necessarily an epiphany. The threshold is a gift of dedication, discipline, will power, luck and Nature.
Experiencing a threshold is not always found in the backdrop of monumental or “ultra” undertakings. It may surface during hugging your child at college graduation day, hearing your daughter share how she earned a bonus for leading her company’s team in distributing tons more sanitizer during a pandemic, or inhaling the fresh scent of refuge after unpacking your new home. It may come somewhere in between waking at 5, getting to the pool and crushing a 2500 yard descend set. It is a gift the Universe bestows upon us for doing the next right thing.
The disparity of the circumstances seems to determine a threshold’s sweetness. The further down in the hole of misery, discomfort, forsakenness, self-pity, and doubt, the greater the potential elation lies in store. Swimming through the night countering every reason to quit with another reason to stay in, created one of the most vivid transformations, as I saw the sun change the sky from a star filled void to soft gray. Not only is it personal, but it also adds meaning to your crew and those that share your life. Thresholds are affirming energies that radiate outward into the world.
Thresholds live between a spark and a bolt of lightning that charge the next step of the journey. They are wrapped in gratitude. They do not arrive without risk, work, and suffering, but accumulate into a life worth pursuing, illuminating the meaning along the way. They are the moments that create the ripples of the next waves to ride to the next shore. And not many things in life are more fun than riding waves!
